BackHELP - A Dirty Word?
Article submitted by Patty Masterson-Kane and Patty Hemphill, both Licensed Clinical Social Workers and partners in Elder Care Options, LLC, a Geriatric Care Management Agency. They are available for consultation and can be reached at 201-848-8539
Today millions of Americans find themselves in the position of caring for an aging loved one. These caregivers are faced with the challenge of juggling this role while continuing to manage the many other responsibilities of their already busy lives. Interestingly, however, rather than taking pride in all they do to improve the quality of life for their loved one, caregivers often struggle with feelings of guilt. They repeatedly measure themselves against the list of tasks to be done and come up short. The stress resulting from caregiving can result in symptoms such as depression, a weakened immune system and interrupted sleep. Asking for help does not indicate weakness or ineffectiveness.
Accepting help actually benefits the caregiver, and in turn the person receiving care. One daughter shared that having a geriatric care manager to provide assistance allowed her to focus on quality time with her parents when she visited, rather then doing chores and running errands. When thinking about getting help, be as specific as possible about what would be most useful. Do you need someone to drive your parent to the doctor's, someone to bathe your loved one, someone to take care of bills? Then, think about family and friends, who may be able to help, maybe have even offered to help.
Checking into government programs which your loved one may qualify for is also a good idea. Of course, in addition to identifying sources of help, you must convince loved ones to accept it. Many older people are reluctant to accept help, particularly from a stranger. Be direct and honest with your loved one about why you need others to help care for him/her. If possible, include your loved one in the decision making about what you will do for them and what will be done by others.
If you are unsure how to begin, a Geriatric Care Manager can provide guidance. A Geriatric Care Manager is a professional specializing in helping those with changing care needs. A Geriatric Care Manager can assist with developing the best plan of care, direct you to appropriate resources, or arrange for needed services. Geriatric Care Managers can also monitor a loved one and advise of changes before a crisis develops.