BackCaring for those you care about: Beginning the conversation.
Article submitted by AARP Illinois. For more information on caregiving visit www.aarp.org/families/caregiving/ or call 1-888-OUR-AARP (687-2277).
For many adult children, finding the right way to bring up the subject of independent living is a major stumbling block. Experts in communication and aging suggest the following ways to break the ice:
- Find out what your parents needs are and let them know if you need help to ensure they're properly cared for. Example:
"What kind of help would you want if you were not able to do everything yourself and you wanted to continue to live safely
in your home? I could help you on the weekends, but what kind of help would you need when I'm working during the week?"
- Share your own emotions about your parents' changing situation and encourage them to do the same. Example: "Dad, I know
you've always prided yourself on being independent. I feel the same way. I imagine it's very difficult for you to ask for help.
Is that right?"
- Raise the issues indirectly, related to someone else's experience or something you have read about or have seen on the news.
Example: "I know you're taking pills for arthritis, your heart and cholesterol. How do you keep track of which pills to
take when? Would it help if you had one of those medication organizers like Aunt Vera uses? There is a compartment for each day
of the week so you can put all your pills in at the beginning of the week and then know if you've taken what you need for each
day."
- Watch for openings your parents give and use them to approach the subject. Example: "You mentioned having problems with
your eyesight. Have you seen your eye doctor lately? How does it affect what you normally do, like reading or driving?"
- Give your parents a list of questions or concerns you have about their current and future situations, then schedule a time to sit down and talk about them. (Consider your own relationship with your parents before attempting this.)