Are We Really Listening to our Elderly Parents?

Article submitted by Cheryl A. Kuba, MA, Gerontologist, Author, Speaker, and Owner-Aging Parent Solutions, LLC. She may be reached at Cheryl@agingparentsolutions.com, or 773/327-2988.

As any caregiver to an elderly relative will tell you, no two days are ever the same. The path to harmony between caregiver and care receiver is often riddled with physical speed bumps and emotional roadblocks. The relative in our care likes to give directions and plenty of advice. But are we really listening?

Caregiving is a two-way street. We read, and hear so much about caregiver stress. But, what about care-receiver stress? Imagine what it must feel like to be elderly, and dependent on someone else for personal care, transportation, housing, and even help up a flight of stairs. The frail, elderly family member who depends on you must deal with the same dubious, stressful situation as you, the caregiver. The care receiver, however, has the added hindrance of dealing with a physical body that is not cooperating. It's quite similar to the joke about the famous Hollywood dance duo, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. Ms. Rogers danced all the same intricate steps as Fred Astaire - only backwards, and in high heels!

In the book, Navigating the Journey of Aging Parents: What Care Receivers Want, the majority of interviewees wanted to continue to be very involved in their own care management in later life. Some were angry because they never wanted their elder years to be this way. Others, despite frailties and illness, felt this was the best time of their lives!

Our elderly loved ones want to be heard, have a desire to be involved in their own care, and want to share the wisdom of unconditional love-both while they are dependent and while they are precariously close to death.

People are not dependent by choice. It is a mistake to not include your elderly parents in every decision. Their opinion matters. Their votes count. Decisions about housing, lifestyle, and care will be made much more easily if the dependent person is involved from the start.

We as caregivers must make every effort to listen up, and absorb all of the knowledge that our elders have to offer. These are valuable life lessons on the road trip to care. Take what you need, and get behind the wheel with your loved one on board. Enjoy the ride.

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Senior Resource Guide Editorial
C. Kuba